


Fall, Falling

by EnzymaticWitch



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Swearing, and need to talk about it, brief mentions of forced institutionalization, brief references to castration and lobotomies in relation to being gay in the 30s, bucky thinks it's better for steve if he's dead, just a bit of a cuss, kind of, steve tries to kill sacrifice himself so he can be with bucky again, suicide ideation, the tags make the fic seem heavier than it is but i don't want anyone to go in blind, they both have issues, theyre only mentioned in passing, we are here to have good times not bad times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 22:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13467540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnzymaticWitch/pseuds/EnzymaticWitch
Summary: Bucky falls off the train and falls into the path of two gods.Or how Bucky fucked off to Asgard and Steve, naturally, followed.





	Fall, Falling

**Author's Note:**

> this is just 3.6k words of wank. idk really I just enjoy it when Bucky isn’t horribly tortured and forced to kill his friends so I. wrote this.
> 
> Bucky has a bit of internalized homophobia in this. It’s in the tags but I’m just Warning You Now.

His body hasn’t hit the point where the pain is so intense that it lets him finally die. Whatever Zola, the Nazi rat fuck, did to him has made him survive a fall that would kill anyone else.

He sees nothing but white. The cold is so deep that it reaches his bones, is in his blood, but doesn’t help with the pain. The sensations work together, intense and maddening. He just wants to die.

_Steve better have gotten off that fucking train._

There’s blood all around him. Red and white. Where’s the blue?

“That’s quite a lot of blood, but he’s not dead. How unusual.” The voice seems to sneak up on him. He can’t move his head, otherwise, he’d try to find the owner, ask them to put him out of his misery. All he can see is darkness.

There’s a beat of silence.

Another voice pipes up, tone slightly frantic. “Thor. No. We cannot abduct another mortal—“

“Sure we can. We’re princes of Asgard, dear brother,” the louder voice replies with ease.

_We can’t keep meeting like this. It’s too dangerous. They’ll retire us, Captain fucking America or not._

_I’m Captain fucking America, Buck. I can do anything. Don’t worry._

The other voice takes a tone that reminds Bucky of when Steve told him he started a fight with six guys because they insulted Bucky’s hair. Fond exasperation and comfortable knowing that this is 100% a bad idea.

“You’re going to get us banished,” the voice takes on a frenzied tone. “You are going to abduct this mortal and Father is going to throw us here for a century. A century on Midgard, Thor. A _century_.”

“We’ve faced worse punishment for less. Heimdall!”

Thunder crashes around him.

Finally, he passes out.

—

He wakes up and is, regrettably, not dead.

Bucky thinks hell would hurt more. He can’t move his limbs or open his eyes, is not even sure if he’s breathing. The cold is gone and his pain is a dull ache. After so long of feeling his bones shift through flesh and his guts layout, it’s so _nice_.

He is not alone.

“Father sends us after an artifact and we come back with a broken mortal,” the harsh voice says. “This will go over well.”

“This man is no mere mortal, Loki,” a voice, a woman, responds. She is much closer than the other voices, but he can’t tell how close.

The harsh voice huffs. “You see it too?”

“See what?” the loud voice asks.

“Someone has tampered with an ancient power to enhance this man,” the woman says, soft and serious. “There may be a— Loki, would you fetch a few things from my study? The Svartalfheim glass and the revised tome on Celestials.”

She’s farther away now, and there’s a shuffling of objects, metal on glass.

“Your Father was not aware of what exactly Heimdall saw, but I may have a better idea now. Midgard is in grave danger.”

Bucky begins coughing involuntarily, tries to move his heavy limbs.

The woman’s voice is closer, by his ear. “Hush, young mortal. You are safe. Sleep for a while longer.”

—

He wakes up on a stone table, warm and pain-free. The room is painted a pale yellow

A man is sitting beside him, brows furrowed. Above Bucky is a series of symbols he doesn't understand. This can't be right because the symbols are floating in the air.

The man notices he's awake, runs a hand down Bucky's right arm. His eyes are green, bright and pointed at Bucky.

"Lie still," the man commands.

_Lie still, Sergeant, or this will hurt so much worse._

Bucky panics.

He rolls off of the bed, crouching before leaping up and rushing towards the door of the room. The man yells after him just as Bucky is enveloped in a crushing embrace.

"Woah. Calm, calm. I mean you no harm," another man says, soothing as he scoops Bucky over his shoulders. Bucky kicks him in the stomach, but the man ignores it, carrying him back to the room he escaped.

It's then that Bucky notices that his left arm is covered with a gold-colored metal. Not quite gold, seems too strong for it. There is inscribing all along the arm, intricate and in a language he doesn't know.

It's not covering his arm, he realizes. It is his arm.

"Let me go you fucking Nazi bastards!" he howls. The man with green eyes makes an irritated noise and sighs. The man holding him chuckles.

"Calm," the man says again. He shifts Bucky, holding in his lap, arms wrapped around his shoulders. Bucky tries to headbutt him and gets a headache for his troubles. The other man seems unphased.

"Let us try introductions, yes?" the green-eyed man says. "I am Loki, the idiot holding you is Thor. We are princes of Asgard and not, as you said, Nazi bastards."

"We found you dying in a frozen wasteland," Loki says, and begins to explain.

—

Bucky's been _abducted by aliens._

—

Loki's his favorite. Thor reminds him a bit of Steve in that big dumb dog kind of way. Thor's nicer, but Loki seems lonely, and though Bucky doesn't understand a lick of the magic-science whatever Loki's spewing, he enjoys listening to him.

Loki's study is full of books, most in languages Bucky can't read. It overlooks a massive public garden. Bucky likes watching the people mingle. It's his favorite place to be.

“They let dames make it with each other here?” Bucky asks, turning his gaze away from a pair of women canoodling in the garden, a blush coloring his cheeks.

Loki nods, eyebrows drawn up. He's running what Bucky can only describe as a magic wand over Bucky's head. It's a long piece of white wood with gemstones inset into its knots, and probably worth more than everything in Brooklyn. “Yes. Anyone can ‘make it’ with anyone else in Asgard. Is this uncommon in Midgard?”

“Nah, back home they send the girls off to a school and boys to the fruitcake house if they caught ‘em like that. It isn’t a talked about thing.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand the term fruitcake house. They make a cake based on who you lay with?” Loki replies politely, egging Bucky on.

“It’s, y'know, an institution, like where they send people too cuckoo for the rest of the world. Some guys get their brains scrambled or their balls chopped off.” He remembers a guy he knew at the docks. A real sweetheart, got caught at a pansy club after a raid and shipped out by his parents to a hospital up north. Came back wrong, couldn't work, didn't talk, stopped eating.

Loki takes the information in stride, brows furrowing and smoothing out. “I see. That is unfortunately not uncommon in some lesser realms. Asgard is more enlightened than most, so please don’t worry about showing your affections for anyone.”

Bucky snorts. “Sure pal. I’ll just lay one on Thor and not get my ass kicked.”

“Thor would be honored to have you in his bed, as would most Aesir. Even if you were not a uniquely exotic mortal, you are pleasing to the eye, Bucky.” Loki writes down whatever he found with the wand, tucks the paper into his pocket.

"That so? What about you?" Bucky winks at Loki, who rolls his eyes. He expects the younger prince to punch him, but he instead plants a soft kiss on Bucky's lips.

“I’m afraid I only have eyes for stallions these days. Now, I must be going, I need to get these findings to Mother.”

Bucky stares at Loki’s chair long after he’s gone. He decides that Loki meant that as a euphemism.

—

The throne room is more majestic than anything Bucky's ever seen. More beautiful than any building in Brooklyn, probably in the world.

Odin sits atop his throne, gazing solidly at Bucky with his one eye. He's frowning, displeased. Thor settles his mighty hand on Bucky's shoulder.

"We have discussed this before, Thor," the All-Father says, frown heavy. "You cannot abduct mortals into our realm."

The eldest son of Asgard tenses. "Yes, of course, Father, but Bucky is, you see—"

Odin cuts him off. "Bucky is a mortal whom you have abducted. I sent you to track rumors of an artifact, not to bring back a boy."

Bucky, for a moment, is certain he is going to be smighted. Smought? Smitten?

“All-Father, if I may,” Loki interrupts. “The mortal has information on the location of a powerful artifact. He came into contact with it briefly and the All-Mother and I took to tracing its origins and—“

“Please get to your point, my son,” Odin sighs.

“We believe it to be an infinity stone,” Loki concludes.

This piques the man's interest. Odin looks to Loki for a long moment, calculating. “You’re certain?”

“Yes. There is an infinity stone on Midgard, and if we act now we should be able to contain it," Loki glances over at Thor and Bucky. "Had Thor not brought this mortal into our care, we would never have known.”

Odin sighs, realizing Loki’s plot. He focuses his gaze on his other son. “So it is. I am proud of you, my clever sons. Your mortal may stay as long as you wish, but any trouble he causes will fall back on you, Thor.”

Thor slaps Bucky's back, causing him to stumble forward a little. Loki huffs.

“Loki, give all the information you have on the stone to Heimdall. We will need to move swiftly,” the All-Father commands.

—

“Will you return to Midgard?” Frigga asks over tea. She's taken a shine to Bucky, reminds him a bit of his ma with her fussing and need to be in everybody's business. “I admit, Thor has taken to you and Loki finds you more interesting than he lets on. It’s good for my boys to have friends outside of Aesir.”

Could he stay here? Sure. The food’s good and the people are kind. This is paradise. They gave him a _magic arm_.

Could he live without Steve? Steve would be devastated. Is devastated. Steve thinks Bucky is dead, probably.

But.

Steve’s loyal to a fault, has had eyes only for Bucky since he hit puberty. It’s been them and only them since Bucky was old enough to work. With Bucky dead, he could go on to live a normal life, marry Carter and pop out two patriotic brats. Maybe run for President. Was that something Steve wanted to do? Maybe. He’s good at anything when he used that giant brain of his.

Bucky respects Carter. If there’s any woman on the planet who deserves Steve, it’s her. Maybe they’ll name a kid after him.

Nobody would know Cap was with a fruit. He could be free.

If Steve knew he's alive he would move heaven and earth to find Bucky. Steve would found his own space program to get to Asgard. It's just who Steve is. Tell him he can't do something and he'll launch both middle fingers up and do it anyway, better than anyone ever has before.

Everyone can see that he's great now. Bucky would only hold him back if he showed up.

“I’ll stay if you’re offering, ma’am,” Bucky responds with a bright grin. “Not every day a guy gets abducted by royalty.”

—

“Bucky! I have come bearing gifts and great news,” Thor says as he bursts into Bucky's room.

“Your information regarding the tesseract was very useful. We have retrieved the infinity stone and it is now safely stored in the vault.” Thor grins. “The All-Father is pleased that one less infinity stone is free. Who knows how much damage it could have caused your realm? Ah, but I digress,” Thor pauses, waiting for Bucky to acknowledge his victory.

Bucky snorts. "All I did was fall off a train and let you run a magic wand over me, but sure. I'm glad you found it, Thor."

"You made no small contribution. I've returned with a gift - or, rather, with another of your kind."

Bucky's blood freezes.

Thor continues, oblivious. “We located another mortal with the stone, frozen but alive. Your people are much more resilient than I believed.”

Time froze, a chilling sensation crawled up his spine. Bucky swallowed. “Didn’t have a red skull, did he?”

“No, no. This man was dressed in an oddest blue and white—“

Bucky leaped forward, grabbing Thor’s shoulders. “Where is he?”

“The healer’s chambers—“ He’s off like a rocket before Thor can continue. Thor his name, starts after Bucky until he collides with Loki, who threatens to turn him into a frog.

Bucky isn't sure what he wants. All he can feel is his blood pumping through his veins, a dull feeling of panic sitting heavy in his stomach. It can't be him. It is not possible that the one other person they picked off the rock they call earth is Steve Fucking Rogers.

He bursts into the healing chamber and almost throws up.

Of course, it's Steve. _Of course._ They're two sides of the same coin. Bucky's always been caught in Steve's orbit. It makes sense that Steve's caught in his, too.

Steve's laying in the center of the room on a stone table, the same one Bucky woke up on. He's been undressed and wrapped in some sleep pants and blankets. He looks fine, unharmed like he's just resting. The Suit is hanging on a wall, the shield beside it.

The healer eyes him with mild disapproval before looking at his face. She seems to understand something based on the way Bucky looks and pats him on the arm as she leaves. "He should wake soon. He was not nearly as bad as Thor suggested when he was brought in. A little ice doesn't stand a chance against ones such as us, hm?"

He sits beside the table, staring at Steve. Loki and Thor stumble into the entry of the room sometime later as Steve begins to stir.

“Bucky?” Steve whispers. “Am I dead?”

Bucky pinches his cheek. Steve grunts. “That feel like death to you?”

Steve lays still for a few moments, mouth ticked up slightly in a grin. He closes his eyes only to snap them open, as though his brain finally caught up with the situation.

"God, Bucky," Steve whispers, launching up from the table and wrapping Bucky up in his embrace. Bucky doesn't turn around to look, but he hears Loki hush Thor and drag him away from the door.

They stay like this, for a while. Steve clutching him like Bucky will disappear if he lets go, Bucky reveling in the warmth of his embrace. He feels whole.

Beneath that feeling, Bucky begins to boil.

“Thor told me he found you in the ice with the infinity box,” Bucky says. “The fuck were you doing in ice, Stevie?”

Steve tenses, loosens his hold. “Bucky—“

Bucky stares up at him, searching his face. Tell me Schmidt got you, he thinks. Tell me it was an accident.

“I’m not gonna lie,” Steve says, not breaking eye contact.

Bucky breaks out of his embrace, backing up and putting a few feet between them. His body is strung tight, ready to snap.

Steve shrugs, a tense awkward motion. “I wanted to see you again.”

Bucky lets out a shaky breath. “Yeah, I was afraid that was gonna be your answer.”

“You telling me you’d have done differently, Buck? You wouldn’t take the first chance you had to see me?”

If it meant you would have a normal life, no. He wants to say.

Instead, he says, “What about Carter? The Howlies? People counting on you, Stevie.”

Steve twists his hands against the table, fingers digging into the material, warping it. “I love Peggy and the Commandos, Buck. I do. But I don’t owe them anything. They’ll live without me. They understand that I wasn’t gonna live without you.”

Something inside them snaps at the same time. Bucky stares Steve down, tears gathering behind his eyes, burning.

“You tried to off yourself,” he says, shaking his head. “You’re a piece of work, pal.”

“I love you!” Steve yells, cracking the table and launching himself to his feet. “I wasn’t gonna keep on without you, Buck. I wanted to be with you again.”

“You know what I wanted, Steve?” he hisses. “I wanted you to finish your tour, punch Hitler in the face, marry Carter and have two patriotic kids with big brains and American flag underpants. I wanted you to have a normal goddamn life!”

“Glad you planned my life out for me. What about us, our promises? A house with a big yard and an art studio and tons of dogs. You decide you didn’t want any of that after all? You don’t want me?”

Bucky's breath halts. He doesn't yell, talks in a quick, even tone as he tries to fight back the tears. “I never said that. Don’t you dare think I fucking said that."

“You left me!” Steve roars.

That does it. The damn breaks, tears slide down his face. Bucky moans an apology and curls in on himself, collapsing to the ground. Steve’s on him in an instant, wrapping Bucky up in his arms in a way he wasn’t able to do a lifetime ago.

Bucky sobs into his shirt, tears and snot running down his face. Steve shudders, a few of his own tears escaping.

“Buck, a life without you isn’t one I want to have. I don’t care if the whole world knows we’re together so long as I get to keep you,” he murmurs into Bucky’s hair. “You’re it for me.”

“M sorry,” Bucky sobs. Steve hushes him.

“I died when I couldn't save you, Bucky,” he tells him. “Every day after I prayed something would take me out so I could see you again. I’m still not really convinced this isn't heaven.”

Bucky makes an ugly snorting sound. Steve smiles against his forehead. “We fight like this in heaven?”

“Ain’t any fun if I don’t have you yelling in my good ear about how stupid I am,” he laughs, a little hollow.

"Both your ears are good now," Bucky huffs, pulling on one of the man's ears.

Steve smiles. "Well, then you'll just yell twice as much."

“You’re a fucking jerk.”

“I’m your jerk, jerk.”

They settle into a lull, listening to each other breathe and clutching at any flesh they can reach for a while. Bucky stops sobbing, catches his breath. He's unsure of how much time has passed, but he can tell by Steve's breathing that he's starting to drift off.

“I really thought it was better for you, me being dead,” Bucky admits into the quiet of the room. “Now that you can look after yourself."

Steve sighs as he rubs his hand along Bucky’s back. “You know I used to think the same thing? Wondering what would finally do me in and let you go out and find someone who was worthy of you.”

“You're it for me,” Bucky admits, ear pressed against Steve's chest, listening to the thump thump thump of his heart. "But I knew you could live if you thought I was dead. I wanted a normal life for you."

Steve huffs. "We're gonna talk about your self-sacrificing behavior sometime. You spend so much time thinking about what's best for me that you don't bother asking me if that's what I want."

"Talk about my behavior?" he laughs, a few more tears escaping. "Who was it who went against a HYDRA base deep in enemy territory alone and almost got court-martialed?"

“I’m glad that you’re awake,” a voice notes from the open doorway. Steve tenses, torn between his instinct to protect Bucky and his instinct to hide their relationship. “But could you perhaps take this to your own chambers? I would like to clean the room and repair the table.”

Steve stares at the healer with wide eyes. She nods a little, glancing at the destroyed stone. “Perhaps you need more time. I’ll just. Go find a mason. To fix the table.”

Steve makes a noise half-caught between a cry and a moan as the healer moves down the hall. Bucky laughs, wiping his nose on the front of Steve’s shirt.

“This gonna be a problem for them?” he asks. Because he doesn't care how weird these space people are, he will fight every single one of them.

Bucky snorts, “Now he worries. God." He bats at Steve's shoulder, trying to push himself up. "Pretty sure Thor’ll sleep with anything that can consent and Loki... Loki is a topic better left alone, but he explained that they don’t have any laws or stigmas here,” he laughs. “Looked at me like I flew the coop when I asked why two dames were making out in the garden.”

“That right?” Steve makes a contemplative sound.

He takes a moment to stand, offering his hand to Bucky to help him up. They’ll talk, later, about just how different Asgard is, about their fears and hopes, if they plan to go back or stay here. They'll argue about it, but Steve sees Bucky in a way he never was before. Even without Steve, he's more carefree here, happier.

Steve can sacrifice the greater good. He knows justice will prevail. The world never really needed Captain America.

Steve will make sure Bucky knows just how much he’s worth. Later. Now, though...

“She mentioned something about chambers. You got a room here, Buck?”

Bucky wants to smack him. The star-spangled man with a one-track mind. “You’ve been awake an  _hour_.”

Steve hums, lifting Bucky with ease. “I’m not hearing a no.”

Bucky laughs, wiggles in his hold while wrapping his legs around Steve’s waist. “You’re gonna get us fuckin thrown out of this place.”

“I’m planning on the fucking, at least,” Steve waggles his eyebrows. “Direct me to our room, doll. It’s been too long.”

**Author's Note:**

> in my headcanon Steve Rogers goes from angstcannon to fuckboy in 0.069 seconds.
> 
> One day I’m going to actually write the fucking and then I’ll have transcended humankind.


End file.
